I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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