Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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