OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
