Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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