Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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