there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
