Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
