i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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