Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
