it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize
