I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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