Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
