You don't have asthma, your pregnant
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
