I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
