I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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