So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
