Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
