you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
