i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize