he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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