she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
