Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
