I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
