marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
