I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
