The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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