Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
