Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
