# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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