mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
