I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
