Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
