Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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