Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
