Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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