I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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