I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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