I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize