i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
