But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
