Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
