Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
