remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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