wakey wakey hands off snakey
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize