I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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