Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
last night I used snow as a chaser
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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