her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
