I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
They have beer where we have blood.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
