Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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