You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
