why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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