I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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