Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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