she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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