Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
