I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
