Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
