if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
