she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
