whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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