it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
