Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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