you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
