You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
